All That I Desire - A Soldier's Christmas Wish
by Raven Sinead
Summary: When all is dark, what can bring light again? It is the small moments that shape us, it is the dark moments that grant us the ability to understand brilliance, it is the simplest of things that can restore magic and belief in it to the galaxy. A Christmas one-shot featuring Liara T'Soni and Serena Shepard. Takes place during "This Side of Yesterday" timeline.


**Normany SR1**

**Post-Virmire, En Route to the Citadel**

* * *

><p><strong>Liara T'Soni<strong>

Something was terribly wrong. I awakened, disoriented, wondering what it could possibly be. It had been three days since the tragedy on Virmire. But what I felt, or sensed, perhaps, was not the shock and grief that had pervaded the atmosphere of the ship.

_What could it possibly be? _I wondered as I dressed with haste, pulling on my boots and staggering through the storeroom doors, into the med-bay.

The scene that greeted me filled me with confusion. All through the Normandy, the main lights were turned off. I watched, full of questions as I saw Renee', the ship's chief medic, and Dr. Chakwas, hang strands of small, warm lights. They were standing on the bio-beds, precariously balanced, giggling in ridiculous contrast to all that we had endured for the last few weeks.

I looked at Chakwas' desk, noticing the open, almost empty, bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy and the several drained glasses surrounding it. I glanced at my omni-tool, checking the time, my thoughts tripping over themselves, unable to comprehend what was happening around me.

_Is it not time for them to be on shift? _I thought, looking through the windows to the almost deserted CIC. Only Pressly stood at his post, and the man had a drink in hand!

_Has everyone suddenly lost their minds? _

I walked through the med-bay, past the giggling doctor and medic, out into the main body of the ship, wondering where all the crew had gone. There were no sounds of warning, no alarms, no voices speaking over the Normandy's PA systems, and yet the ship itself felt very, very _wrong. _I ran through the CIC, to the flight deck, thinking that surely Joker would know the status of the ship…he would be able to tell me what was wrong.

But the flight deck seemed much the same as the CIC. Only the strip lighting along the walkway remained lit. The terminals were abandoned, and when I reached the cockpit, the pilot's terminals were flashing with the autopilot symbol, and our wise-cracking pilot, who never abandoned his post, was nowhere to be seen.

"What in the goddess' name is this?" I wondered aloud, but no one was there to answer me.

_Shepard,_ I thought, attempting to rein in my panic and the rapid tattoo of my heart. _I have to find Shepard. She will know what is happening and __**why**__ everything feels __**wrong! **_

Once more, I found myself running through the flight deck, looking for the commander. I stopped short at the elevator when the PA system crackled, and Serena's voice echoed throughout the ship.

_[Ladies and gentlemen, this is your commander speaking. As of right now, it is Christmas morning on Earth. That is the reason the Normandy is currently holding position. Those responsible for the ship's maintenance will work six hour shifts, switching off with your counterparts until the next solar day. Life has been shit lately, and while this holiday is not observed by warships under active orders, I am making a command decision for the Normandy. All communications channels are open for those who want to call their families, the galley will be open all day, serving a Christmas feast, and the bar is open, fully stocked, and drinks are on me. Merry Christmas, devil-dogs. Shepard, out.] _

My heart rate calmed as I heard the commander's voice and listened to her explanation for the bizarre condition of the ship and the absence of the crew. It seemed that today was a…a holiday. It had been so long since I had observed any of the asari days of ceremony that I had nearly forgotten they existed.

Satisfied that all was well for the moment, that we were not under imminent attack, that the strangeness I had felt was the halting of the ship's travel through space, I decided to return to my room. I did not know how comfortable the rest of the ship would be with the presence of those who knew nothing of their traditions. The med-bay doors opened and I entered, smiling as I saw the soft, colored light emanating from the strands they had hung. A hologram flickered in the corner.

It looked like the image of a coniferous tree, though it was blinking with soft, multi-colored lights, and adorned with strange, glittering orbs. I stared at it for a moment, attempting to decipher its purpose, and felt an arm wrap around my waist. I turned, looking into Dr. Chakwas' gleaming eyes. She held a glass in her hand, and held it out to me.

"Merry Christmas, Liara." she said, her voice a slightly slurred, I presumed from the near-empty bottle of brandy. "You simply must," she hiccupped, "indulge in this egg nog."

"Egg…Nog?" I said the words, and they were strange in my mouth.

"Yes, of course." Chakwas reached out with her free hand, grabbed my empty one, and pushed the glass into it. "A Christmas tradition in which you must partake. Doctor's…" another hiccup. "…orders."

I stared, quite dubious, at the creamy, frothy liquid in the glass. I swirled it, noticing how it clung to the sides of the glass, and how terrifyingly thick it was as it slipped down. It appeared to be more of a syrup than a drink, and suddenly the very thought of imbibing it terrified me. After further inspection, I noticed dark brown dots on the surface of the liquid, which were also of suspect origin.

Chakwas sensed my hesitation and laughed. "I sprinkled it with nutmeg, my dear." she said. "To enhance the flavor."

"What…what is nutmeg?" I asked.

"It's a spice!" Renee' chimed, entirely too exuberant. "Also, a hallucinogen!"

"You," Chakwas pointed with a wavering finger at her assistant, "have entirely over-indulged. You are rat-ass drunk, and unfit for duty. In the spirit of the holiday…I order you to _continue _to over-indulge."

"In the nutmeg?" Renee' lifted a small canister, labeled with the name of the questionable spice, with its questionable properties. "As you wish, major. Perhaps I'll hallucinate a _decent, __**talented **_chief of medical."

"Why you…" Chakwas lurched away from me, walking towards Renee', tripping over her own feet and catching herself on the edge of a bio-bed, laughing uproariously as she fought for balance. "…I cannot even be miffed. Liara, drink!"

I eyed the suspicious liquid/syrup/mystery concoction. "Is it…is it safe?"

A shouted yes from Chakwas and no from Renee' confused me further and I simply looked down at the drink in my glass, bewildered by everything happening around me. All of a sudden, chaos erupted when a white blur flew through the air, exploding across Chakwas' chest, eliciting a shriek from the doctor, who rapidly pawed at the particles of ice clinging to her clothing and splashed across her neck.

"Oh, damn." I heard a smooth, controlled voice behind me. "And here that was meant to accompany your Christmas present."

Chakwas lurched to her feet and I moved back and turned to the side, my lips parting as I looked at the commander. For the first time since we had met, she did not wear a uniform. Instead, she was dressed simply, black pants that fell to the tops of her…bare feet?

_How very odd…_

Her lithe, muscled frame was covered by a long-sleeved, scarlet shirt. The material shimmered in the twinkling lights of the med-bay, and the color accented the commander's fiery hair, while making her eyes scream with a brilliant silver that looked like starlight. Always, I had found the commander a striking member of her species…but this, here, in the soft lighting, with a slight, playful smile perched on her lips, was the first time I had thought her beautiful.

"Only you would commence a snowball fight in the depths of space." Chakwas grumbled, still fighting with the remnants of the ice.

"Snowball blitzkrieg!" Shepard…chirped?

_Goddess…she looks…so happy. What is it about this holiday that is making these hardened soldiers behave like…like children? _

"It would appear you are correct." Chakwas brooded, staring down at her drenched shirt. "Seeing as I have no ammunition with which to return fire. You," she glared at the red-faced Renee', who tried in vain to halt her laughter, "silence, this instant."

"Aye," chuckle, "aye," snort, "ma'am." Renee' erupted into raucous laughter, which only heightened when she saw the steely glare Chakwas turned on her.

"What am I to do with you all?" Chakwas wondered. "Liara, refusing to drink egg-nog, my commander throwing snowballs…"

"Crushed ice, actually." Shepard grinned. "Courtesy of the mess."

"You wicked tartlet." Chakwas teased. "And my medic, showing insubordination of the _highest_ caliber."

"Is that a .45 or a .50?" Shepard asked and Chakwas opened her mouth, then stopped, then opened again, as though the question bewildered her.

Renee' started laughing again and Shepard's smile widened as she removed something out from behind her back. It was a small black box, wrapped with a bright green ribbon. She extended it to Chakwas and the doctor took it, eyeing the commander with what could only be called distrust.

"And what will come flying up at me from the recesses of this box?" she inquired.

"A sense of humor?" Renee' chortled and I shook my head at the behavior of the consummate professionals I had come to know.

"Just open it, Karin." Shepard encouraged. "I promise, you'll like it."

Chakwas deftly untied the ribbon, quite a feat, in my eyes, considering her state of inebriation. Her eyes caught fire as she surveyed the contents of the box. She withdrew a square bottle with an elegant neck, and gold lettering embossed on the black glass.

"Black Label Serrice Ice Brandy?" Karin's voice held awe and appreciation. "Shepard…there are only five hundred bottles produced every year. This is…this is so very costly. How could you…"

"I'm a fan of Christmas, doc." Shepard said. "Only the best for my crew."

There were tears in Chakwas' eyes, and on shaky legs, she walked to Shepard and embraced the woman. My brow rose as I saw the two most emotionally reserved humans aboard the Normandy embrace as though they shared blood. Chakwas placed a kiss on Shepard's cheek, and it shocked me further to see the commander's face flush with color.

"Merry Christmas, Serena." Chakwas whispered.

"Merry Christmas, doc." Shepard smiled, turning and looking at me with such kindness and light in her eyes that I felt my own heart warm.

"You gonna drink that?" she asked, nodding at the glass of egg nog…_such a __**strange**__ name_…in my hand.

"I am…not quite certain if it is safe to drink. It is spiced with an apparent hallucinogen, and I am concerned that it might have an adverse affect on my system."

"Nutmeg?" Shepard asked, and Chakwas nodded. The commander chuckled and shook her head. "I assure you, Liara, it is perfectly safe. Nutmeg only has that affect if you eat a shit ton of it, raw. And anyone who does that for a high is fucking crazy. But here," she took the glass from my hand, "I'll prove it's safe."

I scrutinized her as she lifted the glass to her lips and took a drink. She finished and returned the glass to me, and I could not help the smile that struck my face as I saw the line of creamy foam hovering above her upper lip. It looked like the bizarre bristles of hair that some of the men aboard the Normandy persisted in growing, and the longer I looked at it, the more ludicrous it became, until laughter I could not stifle broke past my lips.

Shepard's brow creased, and she touched her fingers to her lips, smiling when they came away coated with egg nog. She traced the line of her upper lip with her tongue, removing the substance, and that sight did something to my insides, twisting them in an all too pleasant way and causing my heart to flutter in my chest. I felt much more comfortable with the idea of the substance and, after a moment, lifted the cup to my lips.

Sweet, smoky flavors exploded across my tongue. The texture was thick, but soft, like spun sugar melting in my mouth. The sweetness was immediately followed by a spicy bite, which had to have been alcohol of some sort. I felt as I had when Shepard had introduced me to hot chocolate…amazed and in awe of how something so simple could make me feel all sorts of strange and wonderful things. I did not know how a simple drink could taste like comfort and impart the same, but the egg nog did just that, and I quickly drained the glass, wiping my lips with the back of my hand so that I did not suffer the laughter of the crew.

"Well?" Shepard asked, one side of her mouth curved in a smile.

"That was…simply magnificent." I murmured, staring at my empty glass.

Renee' seemed to produce a bottle out of nothing and she walked over to me, re-filling the glass. "Enjoy." she urged. "And Merry Christmas."

"Renee'," Shepard brought the medic's attention to her and she withdrew a small box from her pocket. "Merry Christmas, and thanks for all that you do."

The medic opened the small, fuzzy looking box, and gasped when she saw what lay within. She showed the contents to Chakwas and me, and I was amazed by Shepard's thoughtfulness (though I did not quite understand why she was delivering gifts). Inside the box lay a necklace on a slender, silver chain. The pendant was the symbol that the medical crew had embroidered on their coats and uniforms, the symbol of all that they stood for. Hope. Healing. The preservation of life.

"Are you playing Santa, commander?" Chakwas asked, a cheeky grin lighting her face.

The commander shrugged and looked somewhat uncomfortable. "Somewhat." she said. "It's hard to do specialized shopping for an entire crew. But everyone is getting two days of non-chargeable shore leave when we reach the Citadel."

"Merry Christmas to us!" Renee' shouted, toasting Shepard with her own glass of egg nog. "You are…you are my fucking hero, commander."

_Mine as well, though perhaps for entirely different reasons. _

Chakwas was rummaging through her desk drawers, emerging at last, holding the most curious thing in a triumphant manner that baffled me. It was a triangle of material, solid red, with the base surrounded by puffy white fur, and a circle of white fluff at the top of the triangle. Shepard did not see the doctor approaching and shouted in shock as Chakwas took the mysterious triangle and placed it on the commander's head, pulling the fur down over the commander's eyes.

_It's a hat! _Realization came too late, and I decided to blame the egg nog instead of my ignorance of humans and their odd practices.

"Chakwas!" Shepard roared, pulling the hat off of her eyes, but leaving it perched atop her head, making her look entirely too comical. "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

"Celebrating Christmas, commander." Karin answered, her tone normalized, dry, analytical, methodical, and completely antonymic to her previous behavior.

"I'm not wearing the fucking Santa hat." Shepard said, pulling it off of her head, leaving strands of her hair floating from static electricity.

I stifled a giggle behind my hand and Shepard glared at me. "You got something to say, T'Soni?"

I ducked my head to hide my smile. "You look…I believe the human term for it is…cute?"

"Cute?" Shepard asked, her eyes flaring. "Well that settles it." she extended the hat to Karin. "I'm not wearing this. No way in hell."

"Doctor's orders." Chakwas crossed her arms and frowned. "Wear the hat."

"And why the fuck are you prescribing a Santa hat?" Shepard asked, shaking the material, making the puffball at the top bounce adorably.

"Morrraallle." Chakwas slurred over the word, ending it with a drunken snort and a giggle.

Shepard's frown deepened, stretching the scar across her face. "And the group consensus is?"

All three of us nodded. Shepard sighed and, to the applause of the three of us, donned the hat once more. The puffball settled just above her left shoulder, giving her an adorable, lopsided look. She smiled at me, one eyebrow lifting.

"Wanna be my elf, Liara?" she asked.

"What is an elf?" I asked, and Renee' snorted egg nog into her nose and began coughing.

"Too much to go into." Shepard grinned. "Just asking if you want to help me make Christmas a little merrier for the crew."

I nodded and followed Shepard out of the med-bay, deciding to save my questions for when we were out of earshot of Chakwas, Renee', and their drunken giggles. Shepard, ever considerate, turned to me and offered a slight smile.

"I'm sure you have lots of questions…"

"What is Christmas? Is the giving of gifts mandated on this day? Why does egg nog taste like paradise? What is the significance of the hat you are wearing, and why in the goddess' name are you barefoot?" the questions tumbled out of my mouth in a flurry.

Shepard threw her head back and roared with laughter as we walked toward the elevator. Her silver eyes were veritably glittering when she looked back at me, and once again I found my heart warm and solid inside my chest, as though she had wrapped me in a layer of tangible comfort with just a glance.

"Christmas…is a lot of different things to a lot of different people." Shepard began with my first question. "Some religions give it a special significance. It stems from an old celebration of the winter solstice, I think. But, traditionally, it involves the giving of gifts and big family dinners, and…and it was a really special holiday to me, once."

_She must have celebrated this day with her family. _I thought. _I wonder if she has had the opportunity since…since the massacre on Mindoir. _

"Does it hold any religious significance for you?" I wondered aloud.

"No." Shepard shook her head. "I don't ascribe to that, though I won't criticize anyone who does. It's not my place to decry what anyone else believes. But, for me…this holiday is about love. Love for family. Love for friends…love for mankind in general. There's no reason that it shouldn't extend to the rest of the galaxy too. Christmas is about peace...back on Earth, centuries ago, wars were put on hold for this day. Even on the battlefield, the soldiers on opposite sides put down their weapons. They drank together, ate together, shared stories and cigarettes and…and recognized their humanity, just for that day. The next, they picked up their rifles and went back to killing each other. It's really fucked up, but it's also kind of magical. There's not enough magic left in the galaxy, Liara. Christmas…Christmas still has that magic."

We stopped in front of the elevator, and I searched Serena's eyes, finding a brilliant, radiant hope _living _inside her gaze. I could not help but believe her…believe that magic existed in this day. And I could believe that because Shepard's entire countenance and bearing had changed. There was nothing in her that reminded me of the soldier I had come to know. She appeared as I had never seen her, a woman…but…a woman at peace. A woman at rest. A woman who would lay down her weapons for the sake of those she loved, and the sake of the enemies whom she recognized as…as equals.

_This is the most drastic change I have yet witnessed in her character, _I watched as she adjusted the ridiculous, but endearing, hat. _And I must admit, I quite like what I see. _

We entered the elevator and I looked at Shepard expectantly, waiting for her to answer my other questions. Her brow creased for a moment, before she laughed again. It was such a rare sound from her, and I wanted to save every moment of this day permanently in my memory.

"Right." she snapped her fingers. "Egg nog tastes like paradise because it is made of everything good in the world…namely sugar, dairy products, and alcohol."

"And hallucinogens."

She chuckled. "Yes, that too. The hat I am wearing is from the legend of Santa Claus, or Father Christmas. According to the story, he lives in the North Pole and all year long, he and his elves build gifts for the good children of Earth. Then, on the night before Christmas, Santa takes all the gifts, gets in his flying sleigh, and flies all over the planet, slipping down the chimneys of houses and leaving the gifts beneath the Christmas trees."

"I believe that is the most ridiculous story I have ever heard." I shook my head, amazed by the fanciful whimsy of the human race.

_How can a species so prone to violence believe in…_

"It is wonderful to believe that someone or something exists that is truly good." Shepard interrupted my thoughts. "That belief makes life worth living sometimes. And the joy that comes from seeing the influence of a simple idea does more than provide comfort. It can _inspire_ us to be good to others ourselves."

"With that explanation…I can see the draw of such a tale." I allowed, and the smile that spread across Shepard's face gladdened me.

"As to why I'm barefoot," she addressed my last inquiry, "it is…a personal tradition. My best memories of Christmas morning are of walking into the living room in my bare feet. My father would always be sitting in his recliner, smoking his pipe. Mom would always be in the kitchen, making cinnamon rolls. And I would race to the tree to see what Santa had left. I would look at all the presents and try to guess what they were, and mom would come in with a giant plate of cinnamon rolls and she and dad would just watch. They always looked so _happy._" I did not know how her words could hold such joy when her mind dwelt on such sorrow. "There's no more house now." she whispered as the elevator descended. "No more pipe smoke, no more cinnamon rolls. But I can still go barefoot."

I wanted to reach out and embrace her, as I had seen humans do. It was a gesture of comfort, but I still did not know if she would welcome such a thing from me. So I simply waited until the elevator opened out into the weapons bay. My lips parted in shock as I saw the transformation that had most certainly happened in the space of a few short hours.

Gone were the harsh overhead lights. Instead, more of the smaller, multicolored lights had been placed along the walls and ceiling, suffusing everything with a soft glow. A table stood at the far end of the room. Joker sat behind it, smiling like an imbecile, making drinks at the requests of his crew mates. The bay seemed to hold the entirety of the crew.

They turned as one and a cheer went up from all of them as they saw Shepard emerge from the elevator, wearing her ridiculous hat. The commander smiled, waved, but the entire room went quiet, as though they expected her to say something. She huffed, slouched to the side, and the puffball on her hat bounced with the movement. One hand rested on her hip, and she glared at the crew.

"Really?" she asked, a harsh, military tone leaving her lips, completely at odds with the vivacious mood we had entered in on. "A bunch of marines are going to _quit drinking_ because their CO shows up? Who the hell are you people!? It's Christmas dammit! Enjoy your day!" still, silence reigned. "That's a fuckmothering order!" Shepard bellowed and the entire hangar bay erupted in laughter.

The commander disappeared into the crowd and I attempted to follow her, but could not amidst the throng of almost drunk marines and navy personnel. Jaunty music played in the air, filled with the ringing of bells and the triumphant sounds of brass instruments. The atmosphere was one of relaxation and…unmitigated happiness.

"Liara!" Tali's hand wrapped around my arm. In her other hand she held a bottle with a straw, specifically made for her suit. "Shepard requisitioned dextro alcohol. And I found this under my pillow this morning."

Her hand left my arm and she extended it in front of me. Her omni-tool interface popped up, and I noticed that it looked quite different from the one that she usually wore.

"There are programs and capabilities on this tool that are not available, even on the black market." Tali's voice quivered with excitement. "I researched it, and it simply does not exist on any market that I can find. But its capabilities, both mundane and for combat are…extraordinary! I have been asking the crew, but no one can seem to tell me its origin. Even Engineer Adams could not place it. Do you have any idea…"

I shook my head, though I knew in my heart that the gift that put such happiness and awe in the quarian's voice was from Shepard. Only a Spectre could acquire better than black-market technology. But, if Serena had left the gift in secret, I would not reveal its origin.

"Not in the least." I lied. "Perhaps it is the magic of this human holiday."

Tali nodded. "I am taking Christmas back to the flotilla." she stated. "Everything there is always in a state of tension. We survive from day to day, subsisting moment to moment, always afraid of what might come next. A day like this…would be good for my people. I have never before seen so much universal happiness. I would like to see my people be able to act in this manner."

"I wish you well in that endeavor." I told her, truly meaning the words.

As I watched the gaiety and the frivolity of the crew, I began to see something that I desired to be a part of. Shepard had told me that this was a day of love, and I could see that emotion made manifest in the eyes of all the human members of the Normandy. Beneath the music and the laughter, I could still sense the undercurrent of urgency and sorrow. We had lost one of our own, three days ago. This day had not erased that grief, but its peace had superseded it, and let the hearts of Kaidan Alenko's comrades rest easier.

_Such a tradition is worth preservation, and Shepard seems to understand that. She continues to surprise me at every turn…in the most amazing of ways. _

I looked down to find that Tali had swooped down on Engineer Adams, holding out her new omni-tool, asking his advice on its workings and programs. I smiled as I threaded my way through the crowd. Garrus' voice caught my attention and I stopped, listening to him.

"An M-98 Widow rifle was just sitting in my locker this morning." he said, his mandibles fluttering, his voice animated. "On a C-Sec salary, I've only ever dreamed of owning one…but my name was engraved on the stock."

My smile nearly split my face in half. Shepard seemed to have found the perfect gifts for all of the members of her crew, human and otherwise. I fought my way through the crowd, catching a glimpse of Joker. He held a controller of some sort in his hand, and above him hovered a perfect, to specifications model of the Normandy SR-1. He flew it through the cargo bay, occasionally smacking a crew-member across the face with the model-ship, laughing uproariously at the furious gazes and curses shouted in his direction.

I left the man to his pranks and kept moving, observing, looking for a single sign of sadness…finding none. Wrex sat in the corner, holding a bottle of ryncol, wrapped with another shimmering green ribbon. The krogan appeared contented. He saw me and raised the bottle.

"Merry Christmas, blue." he gruffed, and I smiled.

"I take it you are not bewildered by these festivities?" I asked.

"No." he replied. "Been on a lot of human planets. Seen a lot of this. It's…it's a good thing they've got." he grinned, showing his teeth. "'Lotta booze. Booze is good."

"Then I must say…Merry Christmas, Wrex." the words felt right on my lips.

I caught a glimpse of Shepard and Ashley standing beside the armor lockers and I walked along the edges of the room, avoiding the crowd. I felt certain that Ashley would feel these celebrations were out of order. Kaidan's death had affected her greatly, and even though she had been trained to handle such tragedies…no one truly dealt well with loss of life, especially under the circumstances that Virmire had presented us.

I, too, had been so very angry with Shepard's decision. Angry to the point of wishing that she would suffer for condemning Kaidan to death…but time, and many conversations with Garrus, Wrex, Tali, and Shepard herself had convinced me that it was not the commander in the wrong that day. It had been me. I did not understand war. I did not yet comprehend the sacrifice that it demanded. But I could learn. Just as I would learn of this holiday.

"This is…this is real good, Skipper." I heard Ashley speaking. "The crew really needed a boost, and I think an impromptu, surprise Christmas is doing it for everyone."

"I'm glad you think so." Shepard nodded. "Speaking of which, I got a little something for you."

"Oh yeah?" Ashley's dark eyes narrowed. "It's not mistletoe is it? Because, I warn you, commander, I am _not_ wired that way."

Shepard laughed while I pondered the strangeness of the word "mistletoe." It seemed so exceedingly foreign...perhaps dangerous.

_What could it possibly be? A biological weapon perhaps? A form of grenade? Ashley does not seem the type to like grenades. She is very much a warrior of the old times, face to face combat…she fights with honor. Mistletoe must be a grenade…or some sort of weapon of mass destruction that eliminates the need for combat soldiers on the ground. _

"It's not mistletoe. Open your locker, chief." Shepard said, and Ashley entered her code.

The door popped open and the gunnery chief's jaw dropped as she saw what lay within. Her hands reached out and she withdrew a state of the art chestpiece. The matte black armor had been etched with her rank and her last name had been emblazoned over the chest. In the very center lay a symbol I did not recognize. It was circular in shape, and within the circle was embossed the image of a man holding a staff and carrying a child on his shoulder. It appeared that the two were crossing a river.

Ashley looked at it, shaking her head in disbelief. "This is…Skipper…"

"Saint Christopher." Shepard grinned. "Patron saint of travelers, and one of the saints most favored by the military. I might not believe in your god, Ash, but I understand that your faith grounds you. I need grounded soldiers in the field. So I want you to be able to carry your faith into battle. Merry Christmas, Ash."

"God, I…I don't even know what to feel right now." Ashley breathed. "This, even after…even after I flipped out on you and…"

"Water under the bridge."

_Is that not the purpose of bridges? What on earth is Serena saying…and why does Ashley seem comforted by it? I do not think I shall ever understand human's speech, no matter how hard I try. _

"Skipper…" Ashley shook her head in disbelief yet again, "…thank you. For everything. Merry Christmas."

Shepard nodded. "Be at the comm room at 1600." she ordered. "I took the liberty of sending your mother a message, telling her what time planetside you'd be calling. The room's yours for an hour. Sorry it couldn't be more but…lots of folks have families."

Ashley's lips pursed, her eyes filled with tears, and she struggled to retain her bearing. "Will you Article 15 me if I hug you right now, Skipper?" she asked.

"Verbal counseling." Shepard grinned, and the gunnery chief flung her arms around her commanding officer, squeezing the woman tight and then releasing her.

Ashley closed her locker and moved towards the table from which Joker was serving drinks. I started forward, meaning to catch up with Shepard, when Tali grabbed me and dragged me back into the crowd, chattering excitedly. The mirth in the quarian's voice was soothing, and soon I found myself caught up in the celebration.

Hours passed with various members of the crew rotating in and out. I found myself locked in pleasant conversations, listening to histories of happier times, hearing tales of great sorrow and great joy. I marveled at the willingness with which people shared their laughter and their tears. I marveled at the known xenophobes who, on this day, greeted me with a smile and nod instead of a sneer of disdain.

In my logical mind, I knew that this reaction was likely caused by the free-flowing alcohol, but my heart wished to believe differently. It wanted to believe in Shepard's claim that this day held magic. And it seemed it was so. All around me, there was light and happiness, smiling faces, jokes, drunken contests that usually ended with everyone in a heap on the floor, laughing and demanding more to drink.

When I next looked at my omni-tool, the amount of time that had passed shocked me. I began scanning the room, looking for Shepard, but she was nowhere to be found. My heart fell. It seemed that the commander was always alone. Even on this, the supposed happiest of human holidays, she had sequestered herself away. She had given gifts, but I did not know if she had received any. If any of us had told her in a manner other than words that she was appreciated.

This day was a day of love. But would any show the commander the love she had obviously shown them? I moved through the crowd and entered the elevator, avoiding the amorous couple from engineering, who were feverishly kissing in the corner. The elevator opened and I walked into the CIC, looking for Shepard and finding nothing.

I bit my lip and entered the medbay, to find Chakwas and Renee' sitting at their desks, leaning back in their chairs, recounting stories of bygone days. I smiled at them and opened the door to my storeroom, wondering if I had something that I might give to Shepard, in the spirit of the day. I sighed as I looked at my very few possessions. I had been forced to leave everything I had possessed on Therum, and had acquired little to my name that had nothing to do with the mission.

_I have nothing to give her. _My heart sank. _Nothing to let her know that, on this day, she is lo…cared for. _

I turned to leave my storeroom when a shimmering green caught my eye. I looked on the pillow of my cot, seeing a box, wrapped with the same ribbon as Chakwas' and Wrex's gift. Curious I opened the box, and a small OSD fell out. Attached to it was a note, with scribbled handwriting in very sloppy Thessian.

_An apology for all the grief we have caused. I hope that you enjoy it. _

I linked the OSD to my omni tool, and as the data showed on screen, I began laughing, even as my eyes filled with tears.

_A Comprehensive Guide to Human Idioms, Their History and Meaning_

"Goddess." I breathed around the laughter, a sound which brought both Chakwas and Renee' to my door.

"Is everything quite all right, Liara?" Karin asked.

I showed her my omni-screen and the doctor smiled, shaking her head. "That woman is a paradox, wrapped in a conundrum, wrapped in a lemon, wrapped in a brick."

"Do you believe I shall find that in this compendium?" I inquired, earning a snicker from Renee'.

"I do not rightly know." Chakwas smiled, holding out another small box to me. It was bright red, wrapped in a white ribbon. "I had thought to present the commander with this myself," she said, "but I think it might be better coming from you."

I took the slender, light box and gave the doctor my thanks. Once more I made my way to the elevator and found myself once again going up to Shepard's quarters. The door opened and I crossed the small hallway, knocking at the door.

"Come in." Shepard called.

I entered her quarters. She sat in front of the couch in the room, leaning back against it. Against the wall I saw a hologram of a roaring fire. Shepard watched the technological flames as she sipped what I assumed, from the smell, was whiskey. Her right arm was propped up on a large box wrapped with glittering silver paper.

Quiet, I sat down beside the commander, waiting for her to speak, if she wished. Her cheeks were flushed red from the alcohol, and the light that had been in her eyes earlier had dimmed to a ghost of itself. It struck me then that a day meant for joy and happiness could also be easily twisted. On this day, those who had known sorrow above all else in their life could drown in it. My heart bled for the commander, and for the woman who had such capacity for both happiness and despair.

Her finger tapped the large silver box. "This was Kaidan's Christmas present." she said, taking a sip of whiskey. "He should have been here, celebrating with us today. I…I miss him, Liara. He was a little rough around the edges, a little misguided, but he was a damn good man."

"I have learned more about your Christmas traditions." I told her, trusting my heart with my words, certain that my mind would mangle them. "And I was told that many humans make lists of what they desire to receive on this day. What is your desire, Serena?"

She smiled and leaned back against the couch. "I want what every soldier who has seen combat wants, Liara. Since I put on this uniform, my Christmas wish has never changed."

"And what wish is that?"

Shepard turned her silver eyes to mine. "All that I desire…is peace on Earth, across the galaxy, in every heart, in every mind."

I meditated on her words before I responded. "That is a beautiful wish." I rested my hand over hers, feeling a driving need to touch, to comfort, to show her the love that this day embodied for her people. "And I shall do all that I can to help you make that wish a reality."

Shepard blinked, slow, and it seemed as though a darkness fled from her soul. "Thank you, Liara."

I extended the box that Chakwas had given me and shock filled the commander's eyes as she took it.

"Merry Christmas, Serena." I told her as she opened the box.

Confusion filled me as I saw its contents. A simple green plant with matte, almost waxy leaves. In and amid the leaves, attached to the stems, were white, circular berries. It was beautiful, but I simply did not understand how it constituted a Christmas gift. The ones that Shepard had given were perfect, tailored specifically to the receiver, and in that light a simple plant seemed…entirely too mundane.

An explanation and apology rushed to my lips. I parted them to tell her that Chakwas had given me the box and that she had not told me its contents, and that I had foolishly trusted her…but when I saw the expression on Shepard's face, I stopped.

Her silver eyes were sparkling again. The worry lines and the shadow of grief had fled her countenance and when she looked at me…I felt as though time ceased. Her crimson lips were curved in a radiant smile.

"Do you know what this is?" she asked. "How rare? How meaningful?"

I shook my head, but I did not wish, for once, to ask for the answers. I wanted that light to stay in her eyes. For as long as it would.

"It is not important." I told her. "Do you like it?"

"It's perfect." she whispered.

Her strong, scarred hand reached into the box. With a delicate touch, she lifted the plant by its stem and held it aloft. Before I knew what was happening, I felt the scorching heat of her lips on my cheek, and a whisper that would linger with me forever.

"Merry Christmas, _álainn anam._"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Merry Christmas all! I want to thank all of you so very much for being patient with me during my temporary hiatus. (Dragon Age Inquisition happened, and now my bondmate and I are moving over the holidays). However, I wanted to do something special for the holidays, so I decided to pen a one-shot. I hope that you all enjoy it, and I want to wish you blessings, joy, and peace, from my hearth to yours. Also, a special thanks for anyone serving in the military on this day. It is difficult to be separated from your family, and I honor and respect all of you who have made that sacrifice. Thank you for all that you do, and all that you stand for, and I pray that one day, we truly will know peace on earth. I know that Christmas is becoming more and more controversial, and that causes me great sorrow, because today, no matter what is believed, is a day of Love, and that is how I celebrate it. So I send love from me to you, the lightness in my heart and the smile on my face. Good night, and Bright Blessings!_

_~Raven Sinead_

_P.S. Please forgive any typos, I did not have time to edit this piece. _


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